Yes that is right, Bonehead News and guess what? Cheshire is in it!! No its not about P&Z, but you never know!!!!

Boneheads and Odd News

BONEHEAD OF THE YEAR NOMINATION – USING GUNS FOR TOOLS
In Kitsap, Washington deputies were called to a residence after a shooting was reported to 911 dispatchers.
They found a 66-year-old man, alone, with a shotgun and wounds in both of his legs.
Apparently the man had been repairing his Lincoln Continental for two weeks, and had removed all the lug nuts on the right rear wheel except for one, which was proving difficult. Apparently the accident happened when the man felt the best way to loosen the stubborn lug nut was with a 12-gauge shotgun.
The man sprayed himself with buckshot accidentally, mostly around the legs, but peppering his entire body up to his chin.
He was taken to the hospital for treatment before police could determine exactly what technique the man was using to loosen the lug nut with the weapon.

BONEHEAD - 911: EMERGENCY – NEED BEER, STAT!
It may have seemed like an emergency at the time, but a Connecticut man is now regretting his phone calls Sunday after he was arrested for dialing 911 several times and asking them to bring him beer. The man complained that he was out and asked the dispatcher if they could pick up more for him and bring it by.
Police arrested him and he was charged with disorderly conduct, then transported to a local hospital.
Police did not say what he was treated for.

Bonehead: Man Steals Car to Turn Himself in
A western New York man faces grand larceny charges after being pulled over in a car that he said he stole so he could turn himself in on another charge.
Ontario County sheriff’s deputies say they pulled over Vincent Estrada Junior, 29, and found that the car he was driving had recently been stolen from a parking lot.
Police said Estrada was wanted on a family court warrant, and he told deputies he stole the car so he could drive to the Geneva City Police Department to turn himself in.
But he never made it there. Deputies say they arrested him and drove him back to Canandaigua to face the car-theft charges.
Estrada was being held in Ontario County Jail on Thursday, in lieu of $5,000 cash bail or $10,000 bond.

Odd News: VET EXTRACTS TOY LIZARD FROM REAL LIZARD
A seven year old Florida girl thought her pet… a 12-inch bearded dragon might be giving birth when she noticed an unusual protrusion near the lizard’s tail.
Her father feared it might be something more ominous and rushed Mushu to an animal hospital, where a veterinarian pulled out a 7-inch toy rubber lizard.
“I’ve never extracted a lizard from another lizard before,” said veterinarian John Rossi.
Rossi had sedated Mushu and pulled on the protrusion.
“The next thing I knew, I was seeing legs and a body and a head. It was very strange to be tugging on this thing,” he said.
By the time the rubbery lizard’s legs began to appear, the vet realized what it was.
“We were all laughing,” he said. “It passed completely through the entire (gastrointestinal) tract.”

Odd News: Steed With No Speed Loses 125th Straight
A horse that can’t win a race now has a claim to fame. Dona Chepa, a 9-year-old brown mare, finished last in a six-horse field at Camarero Racetrack in eastern Puerto Rico on Wednesday.
Her 125th consecutive loss that is believed to be the longest in horse racing history.
A track spokesman said Wednesday’s loss surpasses an equine losing record of 0-124 set by an Australian horse, who raced from 1976-83.
There is no world governing body that tracks lack of success for horses, but Dona Chepa’s penchant for losing at least beats other notable marks for futility, including Gloria Springs (106, Japan), Thrust (105, North America) and Quixall Crossett (103, Britain).

Definitely NOT Best Man Material
David Best sent his friend David Barclay an email at the start of this year which mentioned his wedding date of July 6th. Despite receiving no invitation, and thinking it was odd to have a wedding on a Friday, Barclay spent 12-hundred bucks on a flight from Toronto to Cardiff, in Wales…only to arrive and find out he was a year early. The wedding date is July 6th…2008. Only then did it start to add up; a) he hadn’t received an invitation, b) he had talked to the groom’s mother and she hadn’t mentioned a thing and c) when he had said something about the wedding to one of their mutual friends, that friend didn’t know what he was talking about. (DUH!)

…..And He Forgot To Ask For Matches
Joel Zsebenazy faces a charge of petit larceny after a visit last Friday to the Walgreens on Pine Avenue. According to a police report of the incident, Zsebenazy walked into Walgreens at 11:20 a.m. and asked a cashier for a carton of Newport cigarettes. The cashier asked Zsebenazy for his driver’s license to check his age. As she entered Zsebenazy’s birth date into the register, her would-be customer decided it was time to take a five-fingered discount. Zsebenazy grabbed the carton of smokes, ran from the store and disappeared down Pine Avenue. There was just one problem…he left his drivers license with the cashier.

Getting out of Jury Duty… and into Jail!
A Cape Cod man, Daniel Ellis, had been called to court with about 60 other potential jurors for possible service on a 23-member grand jury. On a questionnaire that all potential jurors fill out, Ellis wrote that he didn’t like homosexuals and blacks. He repeated the same in an interview with the court judge, as well as saying that he was also “a liar.” When the judge asked if he was just trying to get out of jury duty, Ellis admitted that was true. The judge ordered him taken into custody and was released later Monday morning. The man could face perjury and other charges.

Men NEVER Ask For Directions
In Cheshire, Connecticut two suspects accused of stealing cash and a laptop computer at gunpoint during a hotel robbery apparently found themselves without something important: a road map.
Cheshire police say the men, trying to evade officers, drove into what they believed was a detour off the main road. Instead of a shortcut, however, they found themselves in the Cheshire Police Department’s dead-end parking lot. The passenger was taken into custody at the scene and the driver, who tried to run away, was found hiding in a nearby wooded area. Both were charged with robbery, conspiracy, larceny by possession and criminal possession of a pistol.
(The pistol turned out to be a toy gun.)

“I Wanna See Everyone’s Limbs in the Air!” Warning: Puns Ahead
Manchester, New Hampshire Police are looking for a man who attempted to disguise himself as a tree and rob a bank Saturday morning. Police say the suspect used duct tape to attach tree branches onto his body as a form of camouflage. He then walked into the Citizens Bank on Elm Street and demanded money. No one was hurt in the robbery and no weapons were used, according to police. The bank was closed and police cruisers blocked off the entrances to the bank as officials investigated the incident. The tree robber was able to escape with an undisclosed amount of cash.
The bank is concerned the robber may attempt the same thing at another BRANCH…and hope to catch him before he LEAVES…but, since he is unarmed, assumes his BARK is worse than his bite. Most likely, he’s a real SAP. (Thankyouverymuch…I’m here all month.)

CHINA DESTROYS AMERICAN PRODUCTS, WHY? SAFETY RISK!
Raisins and health supplements imported from the United States failed to meet Chinese safety standards and have been returned or destroyed.
This happens as China is getting loads of attention for tainted pet food, poisoned cough syrup and toothpaste… Payback?
Inspectors in two shipping ports say they found bacteria and sulfur dioxide in products shipped by three American companies…
“The products failed to meet the sanitary standards of China,” the agency said in a brief notice posted on its Web site. No details were given on when or how the inspections were conducted.
BONEHEAD! Toilet Paper Thief Faces Three Years In Jail
An Iowa woman allegedly stole three rolls of toilet paper from the local courthouse and could get prison time.
City auditors said they thought something was up when they realized that the courthouse was going through a lot of toilet paper.
One of the employees caught a woman taking the rolls of paper from the women’s bathroom and called police.
Police caught up with the woman outside the courthouse Friday, and she was hiding the toilet paper in her shirt.
She’s facing three years incarceration for three rolls of toilet paper, because she has three previous theft charges.
Here’s the kicker…
The woman who stole the toilet paper is named Susan Butts.
Maryland Police Earn Bonehead Award
Oops, Wrong House … Annapolis, Maryland … Police raided an apartment using flash grenades and even kicking a man in the groin. Well, it turns out they raided the wrong apartment.
A police spokesman said something must have gone wrong in the briefing beforehand. (Ya think?) They have called the incident “regrettable.”
One of the residents…a 30yr old woman, told reporters that she was cooking dinner when 15 officers burst through the front door of her apartment, fired off flash grenades and kicked her husband in the groin!
She ran into a bedroom before the police took her to the ground and handcuffed both people and started leading them away when they realized they had raided the wrong place.
The residents were un-cuffed and left with a large dent in the front door and two large black stains from the flash-bang grenades…
When the city’s tactical squad went to the right unit, it was empty.

Woman Uses Fake Doctor’s Note
A New Jersey woman got a speeding ticket and then allegedly used a fake doctor’s letter to ask for the charges to be dismissed.
Court officers say the woman didn’t show up in court, claiming she was too disabled to appear. She apparently spent 25-dollars to buy a bogus medical excuse letter from a website called MyExcusedAbsence.com.
The website say they offer excuses for every occasion but it didn’t work time. A deputy court administrator uncovered the scheme by checking with the doctor listed on the letterhead.
The woman was already looking at a $190 fine for speeding but now the courts are deciding whether to file contempt charges or additional court fees.

Husband Caught Cheating On Live TV
A man who took his mistress on a beach trip was captured on live television by a camera crew after he waved to a helicopter covering a bicycle race in Italy.
The brother of the man’s wife saw him on television and thought it was his sister whom he also saw on the tube. So he did what any of us would do and call them on the cell phone, thinking she was on the beach in northern Italy. When she answered, she was at home and not vacationing. Her hubby also returned home with a tan.

MySpace Bonehead
A Wisconsin teen was arrested after police found pictures of potted marijuana plants and drug paraphernalia posted on his MySpace page.
The 18yr old, pleaded no contest Friday to felony marijuana manufacturing and misdemeanor possession of drug paraphernalia.
Police said they were monitoring another Web site when they saw that the man had posted pictures of weapons and drug gear and had bragged about the plants in his house. He also had pictures of the plants on his MySpace page.
He will spend 30 days in jail and was also placed on four years probation, had his driver’s license suspended for six months, has to pay a fine of more than $200 and undergo counseling.

That man has a rifle! Wait wait… it’s just his fake leg.
Police barricaded streets near a hospital in Washington State after a woman called to report a man with an assault rifle walking into the building. The man was actually carrying a prosthetic leg.
The building was locked down as police conducted a floor-by-floor search. When no suspect was found, police evacuated the building and the woman who reported the incident spotted the office worker who had been carrying the prosthetic leg.

A Montana Bonehead
A man accused of calling in bomb threats to the county courthouse and two schools allegedly made the calls because he wanted to avoid a court appearance… He has been charged with three counts of making terroristic threats – and will now be making even more appearances in court.
Police said the man was caught after they examined phone records - and arrested him the same day at his mother-in-law’s house.

Bonehead Bobblehead
A TV Commentator in Washington State likes to send funny bobblehead dolls to public officials who get caught screwing up… perhaps he should send one to himself.
A package, sent by an intern from the TV station, was addressed to Washington State Department of Corrections Secretary at their headquarters near Olympia.
The box didn’t have a return address and the mailing label was handwritten. It also had stains on the outside, which could have indicated that the item inside had leaked… so they called the bomb squad.
The building’s 350 employees were evacuated for about 45 minutes Friday until a technician opened the box using a remote controlled robot and discovered that it contained a Schrammie… the bobblehead doll that tv commentator Ken Schram hands out to public officials he thinks have done wrong.

Officer Lies About Lost Gun Belt
A Dallas police officer who claimed his gun belt fell off during a foot chase now admits it was stolen from his squad car while he played basketball. The officer is on restricted duty pending an investigation.
Sunday night when he was working… he took a break to play basketball. And he allegedly left his belt, with a 9mm handgun, handcuffs, ammunition, mace and a baton, in the squad car. When he returned to the car and discovered the belt was missing, he called the dispatcher and reported its loss, saying he had been in a chase.
Officers sent to the scene could find nothing to support his story, and witnesses told police that he had been playing basketball.
Bonehead Burglar Left His Resume
A man was arrested in New York after his resume was dropped during a break-in… The victim came home to find her belongings in disarray, with electronics unplugged and her belongings packed in suitcases… police also discovered a bag that was not hers… and inside it was a set of keys and a computer disc that had the burglar’s resume.
Police went to the man’s home… arrested charged with burglary, criminal mischief and criminal possession of stolen property. The crook was also reportedly wearing the victim’s earrings at the time of the arrest.
Man Shoots Himself… Without a Gun
A Luzerne, N.Y., man wounded himself while using household tools to remove bullets from their casings.
Warren County Sheriff Larry Cleveland said the man shot himself in the stomach while using a vise, hammer and screwdriver to try to remove the bullets from their casings so the empty shells could be sold. Luckily the bullet did not have the same velocity as if it were fired from a gun and sank about a half-inch into the man’s stomach. He was treated at Glens Falls Hospital. No charges were filed.

Bonehead Burglar
A 23-year-old man was arrested twice in a span of 24 hours. The first time he was arrested after police found firearms and jewelry in his car and home.
The jewelry was reported stolen from homes in the area earlier in the day. The bonehead was released on bail the next morning … then was arrested 15 hours later at 8:45 that night when he was spotted with a backpack that allegedly contained numerous pieces of jewelry that still had price tags on them and were attached to jewelry display boards.

Another Bonehead Burglar
Cincinnati, Ohio … Police investigating a robbery at a KFC restaurant didn’t have a hard time tracking down the thief … he left his wallet behind.
The man, who is accused of assaulting at least two KFC workers on Saturday before running off with an undisclosed amount of cash, accidentally dropped his wallet, which contained his photo ID, Social Security card, and birth certificate. (Who carries around all that ID)
Employees identified McFarland as the robber; he will be charged with three counts of armed robbery.

A 22-yr-old student was hospitalized following an attack by a giraffe at a Lithiuanian Zoo. A woman and two of her friends decided to climb into a nine-year-old male giraffe’s cage as a joke after having a few drinks.
But the giraffe wasn’t happy about the trio intruding into his privacy and attacked the three student trespassers.
The other two students escaped unharmed, but the woman, a student at Kaunas Technology University, was hospitalized with a broken collar bone and nose after the giraffe attacked her.
A zoo spokeman said: “This was a very silly thing they did. The scared giraffe could have stomped her to death.”
Wedding Party Dine and Dash
Over the weekend a wedding party fled from a restaurant in a southern Austrian town without paying for their feast. The group, consisting of the newlyweds and about 30 guests, suddenly got up before dessert and left.
On Tuesday, authorities succeeded in tracking down the happy couple, who claimed that the food and atmosphere had not been to their liking. That’s hard to believe. Before leaving, the group ate up plates of Wiener schnitzel, grilled meat and pork roast.
Do Not Try To Pass the Driver’s Exam While Drunk
A German man failed his driving test after trying to complete the exam while he was three times over the legal alcohol limit.
When the man arrived for the test, the examiner detected the smell of alcohol, but the 27yr old assured them he had not been drinking…
His driving was so bad, the examiner directed him to towards the police station without him noticing… Once there, he had to get out and take an alcohol test, which revealed he was well over the limit.
The man will now have to wait “a long time” before he can take another driving test!
This Side Effect Was Not Listed On The Warning Label
A man in Hampton, Maine is accused of showing his bare behind to motorists crossing a bridge… And he blamed his bizarre behavior on prescription medication.
The Maine Mooner pleaded guilty to a charge of public lewdness and told the judge at the time it happened he was intoxicated by prescription medication. “It was due to my medication,” he told the judge. “I’m on a lot of medication.”

Oh, Wait, We Were Wrong …
Doctors told a 61-yr old London man he had only one year left to live. So he decided to go out in style. He quit his job, and went on a spending spree… hotels, restaurants, and vacations — only to discover that he wasn’t dying. Great news that he was going to live — bad news that he spent every single dime he had.
The man is now asking the courts to compensate him for the misdiagnosis. He says, “I am seeking compensation for what we have lost and to help everyone at the hospital so they don’t have to go through what I did. All I would say to these people is to knock on the door and ask for a second opinion.” The hospital says they reviewed his case and based on the same evidence – they would make the same diagnosis.

The TSA - Transportation Security Administration has lost a computer hard drive containing Social Security numbers, bank data and payroll information for about 100,000 employee records.
The hard drive contained information on employees who worked for the Homeland Security agency from January 2002 until August 2005.
Authorities realized Thursday the hard drive was missing from a controlled area at TSA headquarters and sent a letter to employees Friday apologizing for the lost data and promising to pay for one year of credit monitoring services.
Betting Bonehead
How would you like to have the winning $2 trifecta ticket from the Kentucky Derby and still lose over $13,000?
A man walked into an off track betting parlor and asked how much it would cost to buy every possible combination of the $2 trifecta tickets for the Kentucky Derby – They told him $13,680. He bought the tickets and left – thinking he had a sure thing. He did – his winning ticket was worth $440!
He must have been thinking about the 2005 Derby when the Trifecta paid $133,134.80.

Take My Car, Please… Bonehead Car Dealer
A man in upstate NY left his red Mercury Sable at the dealership for service. During the afternoon, a mechanic walked into the waiting room and saw a man who looked like he was waiting for something and asked “Red Sable? When the man said “YES” the mechanic handed him the keys and he drove off.
The car was found later with $2000 in damage done to it… The dealer says they’ll repair the car for free.

Another Sleeping Burglar!
A man suspected of burglarizing a home was arrested after police found him asleep in the basement. The snoozing burglar was lying on the floor next to a black bag filled with items that belonged to the homeowners, including stereo equipment, a backpack and a wallet.
One of the residents of the home discovered the man in their basement, ran outside and flagged down the police. The man’s eyes were closed and he did not respond to police until he was threatened with a Taser.
He allegedly told police he was drunk and had passed out after a party at the home, but the homeowners said they hadn’t hosted a party.
He’s been charged with felony theft and burglary and remains jailed on $2,500 bail.

When the sign says “Drop Your Pants Here” they don’t mean it!
A man has been charged with one count of indecent exposure after he went to a Raleigh dry cleaners without pants on.
Police arrested the man after he allegedly went through the Pope’s Cleaners drive-through while not wearing any pants. He said he was there to pick up clothing.

A Very Different Cinderella Story
Once upon a time in a suburb of St. Petersburg Florida there was a couple eagerly awaiting their wedding within the next few days…Then all of a sudden a van plowed into the bathroom of their house and they watched the driver flee across their lawn leaving the car and a shoe behind! About an hour later while the Florida Highway Patrol was investigating the scene of the crime, 43-year old John Glen Aquista, walked up to the crime scene. He was bloody; his face looked like it had been smashed into a steering wheel. He was only wearing boxers, and wearing one shoe! The trooper asked him to slip on the shoe that was left behind from the accident, and yes, it was a perfect fit. Aquista was charged with leaving the scene of an accident, involving property damage, and driving without a valid license. Aquista was being held in the Pasco County jail in lieu of a $1,250 bond.

Pastry Helps Nab A Perp
DNA lifted from a partially eaten cinnamon bun led to the arrest of a Detroit car thief.
Witnesses told police they saw a man arrive in one car and then break out the windows of the other car and take off… The investigating officer found a partially eaten cinnamon bun left on the seat of the car that the car thief originally drove. He sent the remains of the bun to the Michigan State Police crime lab where the DNA left on the bun matched the DNA of 40-year-old Norman O. Wheeler… Mr. Wheeler had served time for another auto theft. He was arrested and plead guilty.

Charged with DUI on the way to a DUI Hearing.
A 74yr old PA man was charged with drunken driving on the way to a drunken driving hearing on Tuesday… He told the arresting officers that he probably will have to quit drinking.
Police found him at the wheel of his car (which had just crashed into a guard rail), smelling of alcohol, slurring his words and appearing disoriented… He refused a Breathalyzer test and was charged with drunken driving and delivered to the courthouse where a judge was waiting to speak with him about a Feb. 8th arrest.

Kentucky Prison officials mistakenly released a prisoner after receiving a phony fax that ordered him to be freed, and it took them nearly two weeks to realize it!
Here’s the really odd part
-The fax contained spelling and grammatical errors.
-It was not typed on official letterhead. (Nobody noticed?)
-It was sent from a local grocery store! (and nobody noticed?)
The 19yr old man who was set free on April 6th had been charged with a serious assault on a senior citizen. Lexington police arrested him at his mother’s home last Thursday evening.
Police are still investigating who faxed the letter, but they say spelling and grammatical errors are common on state documents.

Baseball Bonehead
Frank Martinez spent a little time in jail this weekend after he was caught shining a high-powered flashlight into the eyes of some Atlanta Braves players on Friday night.
This was the kind of flashlight used for self-defense purposes!
The light was so powerful that it was disrupting the game… Martinez was removed from the stadium, arrested and charged with interfering with a professional sporting event and reckless endangerment. He could face up to a year in jail and a $5,000 fine.

Crooks accidentally call 9-1-1
Two California men mistakenly called police when they meant to punch in a “911” urgent page for their drug dealer.
The call came in around 3am. The dispatcher traced it to a pay phone and directed a patrol car to the location. When police arrived, they ran the plates on the car at the phone and found the vehicle was stolen.
A search of the vehicle revealed burglary tools and a shaved ignition key that is used by car thieves. The men were booked for investigation of auto theft, possession of burglary tools, destruction of evidence and parole violation.

‘Invisible Man’ Robs Bank
Police in Fort Worth, Texas, are searching for a man who robbed a bank and claimed to be invisible because he’s God.
More frustrating for police is that an officer spoke with the man only minutes before he pulled the heist on Tuesday afternoon. An officer spotted a man standing outside of a truck on the shoulder of the road making unusual gestures, and stopped to ask what was going on. The man replied: “I am God, don’t you know me?” whereupon the officer told him just to get back in his truck and move on. Minutes later, a man matching the description of the motorist entered the Frost Bank and told the teller he was armed and wanted money. As he left, he told the teller that calling the police wouldn’t do any good. “No one can see me because I am God,” he said.

Arrested for DWC —- Driving While Cooking
A German truck driver accidentally set fire to his truck when he decided to cook sausages while driving. The driver told police he normally only uses his small propane stove at rest stops, but he decided to cook while driving because he was late with a delivery.
He had two sausages in the pan when the stove tipped over and set fire to the seat. The entire cab erupted in flames moments after…The driver was treated for smoke inhalation and cited for DUI after police discovered that in addition to being hungry, he was three times over the legal alcohol limit.

Burglar Needs Lights-
Also from Germany… A burglar who broke into a sports club was arrested after he turned on the floodlights so he could see in the dark.
The bumbling thief also managed to switch on the soccer field’s sprinkler system after he broke into the club at 3am. According to police the man had no flashlight and turned on the first light switch that he could find, it was the switch to the floodlights on the soccer field. The lights were so bright – people in the neighborhood were awakened from their sleep and called police.

Couple Fogs Up Wrong Backseat
A German couple was feeling frisky and climbed into what they thought was the back seat of their car… Only as they were being arrested did they realize they had jumped into the wrong car!
The man borrowed his sister’s black Volkswagen Golf and parked it next to another VW outside a nightclub. He left the club with a woman he met inside and climbed into what he thought was his vehicle. Police were called to the scene when the owner of the car discovered the pair in her back seat.

Odd News…
HEY! The “OCCUPADO” light has been ON for most of the flight!
An airline passenger died in the restroom during a flight - and wasn’t found until the cleaning crew boarded the plane two hours after it landed.
The passenger, a 66yr old man from Japan, died of natural causes while on the toilet of an American Airlines flight from Tokyo to Chicago.
His wife is pressing charges and seeks damages of about $150,000.

Arrested for DWC —- Driving While Cooking
A German truck driver accidentally set fire to his truck when he decided to cook sausages while driving. The driver told police he normally only uses his small propane stove at rest stops, but he decided to cook while driving because he was late with a delivery.
He had two sausages in the pan when the stove tipped over and set fire to the seat. The entire cab erupted in flames moments after…The driver was treated for smoke inhalation and cited for DUI after police discovered that in addition to being hungry, he was three times over the legal alcohol limit.

Odd News…
The Old “Pretend You’re Having A Heart Attack” trick…
A masked man entered a convenience store in Florida, pointed a gun at 60-year-old clerk and said he was robbing the place… Hyperventilating and fearing she was having a heart attack, the clerk begged the gunman for help.
He let her call 911, and when the store phone didn’t work, he even let her get her cell phone. Once that he saw she was going to be okay, he apologized, took $30 and some cigarettes — and left the store — but the police were not far away!

Bonehead News Producer
A CBS News producer was fired and the network apologized after a Katie Couric video essay on libraries was found to be plagiarized from The Wall Street Journal, almost word for word!
An editor for The Wall Street Journal called CBS News to point out the similarities of the April 4 item to the article, headlined “Of the Places You’ll Go, Is the Library Still One of Them?” Both pieces talk about how libraries are seen differently by children from their parents.
“We were horrified,” said a CBS News spokeswoman. The unnamed, boneheaded producer was terminated immediately.

BONEHEAD HIDES IN A PORT-A-POTTY!
West Virginia Police looking for a purse snatcher just needed patience… he really had no place to go once he hid inside a portable toilet! Police Chief James Kudlak said “There’s only one way out.” The man inside had stolen a purse from an 89yr-old woman at a nearby video poker establishment and it was all caught on video.
Acting on a tip, police went to a construction site where the suspect worked to question him. He saw them and ran into the port-a-potty. Officers yelled for him to come out and he realized pretty quickly that he was not getting away. He claims that he’s innocent.

A man who burglarized a market in Pomona was caught by police when his prosthetic leg that fell off while he tried to flee.
The man was booked for burglary following the crime, which occurred about 3:10 a.m. at the Pomona Ranch Market. The crook and an accomplice allegedly used a chain and a pickup truck to pull an ATM machine from the concrete floor where it was bolted down… someone saw this and reported the incident …
Police spotted the pickup leaving the area and followed it into a residential neighborhood, where it went onto a dead-end street and stopped and the men tried to get away… (insert falling leg sound here)

Another Boston Bonehead Marketing Move
This was apparently a marketing ploy for a social-networking website, but it ended with city officials calling the state’s bomb squad early Monday.
Workers arrived at a school at about 5:30 a.m. to find four small black backpacks hung on a fence near the school…
Police and fire crews were alerted and they called the state bomb squad, which brought its bomb-defusing robot in to inspect the bags.
They were filled with newspaper, $1 bills sticking out of each one and the backpacks also contained promotional materials related to a social-networking Web site geared toward teenagers. They did not contain anything harmful, but the incident is under investigation by police. The 18 yr old founder of the Web site, said that she had nothing to do with the incident.

134 Million Is Missing – I Forgot Everything!
An economics professor at Charleston Southern University was the “go-to” guy for business leaders, local reporters, and people with a little money to invest. He gave advice, analysis and allegedly a great way to get rich.
Except for one problem: According to the Securities and Exchange Commission, the reports that investors received were false and the money invested — about $134 million — is almost all gone!
When investigators attempted to question him, the man checked himself into a hospital, claiming to be suffering from amnesia.

Pilot Grounded for Cursing!
A NW Airlines pilot was removed from his plane in Las Vegas when passengers complained about his foul mouth.
The pilot started his profanity-laced cell phone call from the open cockpit as people were boarding… he moved into the plane’s bathroom and locked the door – but everyone could still hear him.
A passenger asked the pilot to “watch his language” and the pilot cursed out the passenger — then the police were called.
NW Airlines removed the pilot, cancelled the flight and gave all the passengers extra meals and hotels for the night.

Elected Official Forgets To Vote for Himself
Joe Selle was running unopposed for the City Council seat in a small Missouri River town.
But on election day he Selle received zero votes! Not even a vote from himself! He said he simply forgot that Tuesday was Election Day, and apparently so did the other registered voters in his district.
Luckily for him, although there were zero votes cast in the race, the city charter lets him keep the seat unless someone else is “successfully elected and qualified”.

What’s In A Name? Michael and Karolina Tomaro are locked in a court battle with Swedish authorities, which rejected their application to name their six-month-old child after the legendary rock band Metallica.
Her mother says that it suits her because “She’s decisive and she knows what she wants.”
Little baby Metallica has already been baptized in their church – which has no problem with the name, but the Swedish National Tax Board refused to register it, saying it was associated with both the rock group and the word “metal.” The official handling the case also called the name “ugly.”
A County Court ruled that there was no reason to block the name, noting that there already is a woman in Sweden with Metallica as a middle name. The tax agency appealed to a higher court… the family has had to cancel trips and can’t get anywhere because they can’t get her a passport without an approved name!

A man is divorcing his wife after she pretended to hang herself on April Fool’s Day.
The man came home on April 1st after a business trip to find a gruesome scene. His wife was hanging in their home…
He immediately called police and his apartment’s security staff, who helped him take down the “body” and while waiting for the police to arrive the wife sat up laughing and revealed her prank, laughing hysterically.
The wife, an actress, says she likes playing jokes on her husband and tries to surprise him every single day.
He’s fed up. Some of the “surprises” she’s planned for him… Hiding the dishes in the washing machine, changing the lock on the front door – making him answer trivia questions to get inside. They’re getting divorced!

I have had so many hits on my website over the past two days that the counter shut down. I can’t even keep track.

Now for all of you “guessers” out there, trying to figure out how I got the information-DON’T BOTHER. All I can tell you is that there was a handwritten note that accompanied the “Draft.” This note said that they had more information and would pass it along in another way, whatever that means. I am assuming this person will not use the mailbox anymore.

Now I don’t have a scanner so I had to type all of this in from the original “Draft” but the word “DRAFT” is stamped on an angle across the top of the page. It looks as if it came from a stamp pad of some sort as if it were an afterthought i.e., like–this is the final opinion but we will make it look like a draft. The word draft is not typed in it is stamped in.

As other people have commented, it is very detailed for a preliminary report. Usually a “draft” of something is sketchy and not put together as well as this report was.

Yes, many of you are correct. The few want to control the many. And they will go to any length to do it. Even if it means cutting certain good people off from job opportunities they will do so. They will do anything to keep their power. Intimidate adults, children, whatever it takes.

Well, we will see what happens. All I can tell you, is the press should be getting on this issue. But, you see, many of the reporters today, do not know how to use sources. They rely on the horses mouth. And as I have said many times before, that does not work.

They figure they won’t get information if they piss off the powers that be in this town. Well the sources are out there believe me. It is sad when people came up to me during the campaign and even when my husband was getting signatures against the W/S mall and said that they were “afraid” of putting their name on the petition because they feared losing their job.

Maybe its about time some people who run this town lost their jobs. Enough for now. Oh by the way, it is really COLD in Michigan in the winter!!! 

Ok, I am continuing with the “DRAFT” of “FINDINGS-W/S DEVELOPMENT ZONE MAP CHANGE.

g) Any internal circulation system encourages pedestrian use and provides linkage throughout a development to the maximum extent possible.

The proposed development plan shows a walkway system beginning at two locations on Dickerman Road proceeding through the open, common areas within the proposed residential portion of the site and also along the buffer area adjacent to the Ten Mile River. The walkways cross the rier at two locations: one across restored Great Fill and culvert leading through the area of the heritage monument into the restaurant court portion of the site. This area also contains some outdoor eating areas and terraced overlooks of the river. Pedestrians also have the option of crossing the river on the proposed timber bridge that is proposed with a dedicated walkway. The primary retail portion of the site has clearly defined walkways that are shown with distinctive crossing across the interior roadways.

The Commission believes that the provision of public acces along and to the Ten Mile River corridor is an important design feature well attended to within this proposal. It is also our opinion that the location of the walkways will maximize pedestrian safety.

h) Separation of vehicular and pedestrian traffic is maintained to the greatest extent possible.

As noted above, pedesetrian and vehicular traffic is well-separated in the proposed development. The proposed trestle bridge has pedestrian traffic isolated by a divider from the vehicular traffic.

It is the opinion of the Commission that this proposal meets the requirements of this standard.

i) Adequate on-site parking for the proposed development is provided, consistent with items f) through h), above.

The Commission is concerned that the proposed standard (1.5 spaces per unit) for the residential area is inadequate. EDITORS NOTE: WHAT ABOUT THE RETAIL PART? IS THAT WHY A PARKING GARAGE WAS DISCUSSED. WESTFARMS MALL, MERDEN SQUARE AND TRUMBULL MALL HAD TO BUILD PARKING GARAGES AND THEY ARE USUALLY FILLED.

The regulations will be modified to change this to 2 spaces per unit. (See below.) The appliant has provided reasonable demonstrations, via aerial photography at peak periods, that the proposed retail parking will be adequate even in the holiday season. Theatre parking is to be in an underground garage, reducing the impermeable surface required.

EDITORS NOTE: PARKING FOR THE THEATER IN AN UNDERGROUND GARAGE? WHEN WAS THIS DISCUSSED AND WHEN DID THE PUBLIC HAVE A CHANCE TO COMMENT ON IT?

It is the opinion of the Commission that this proposal meets the requirements of this standard.

j) Storm water run-off will be controled wherever retention or detention is possible and that all proper and necessary easements will have been obtained by the applicant.

The stormwater management system was designed with extensive infiltration and pretreatment. There are no direct discharges into the Ten Mile River. The IWWC has noted that the applicant has stated that the proposed stormwater management designs will have the least impact on the wetlands and watercourses on or off the site compared to alternative storm water management designs presented during the public hearings. The applicant reports that no easements are needed from any entity for the installation of the stormwater management system.

The site plan does create a spillway over a portion of the Great Fill for flood control purposes. Though historically significant, the Great Fill became a dam for floodwaters upon its construction in 1820. The proposed spillway will provide a by-pass for 100 year and greater storm events, reducing the upstream of the Great Fill.

It is the opinion of the Commission that this proposal meets the requirements of this standard.

k) The design and construction of buildings, other structures and facilities by virtue of their location, orientation, texture, materials, landscaping, general bulk and height and other features would be consistent with the Town and would show design merit.

This center is proposed in an area whose landscape is dominated by an Interstate Highway with an interchange, an area within the community that is best suited for projects of scale. The retail portion of this project is broken up into plaza blocs that are separated by pedestrian walkways. Based on the typical renderings provided by the applicant, the Commission feels this will be aesthetic and not overpowering development.

The largest commercial building currently proposed is the theatre, which has 75,000 sq ft. of space. The anchor store at the other end is currently shown as -50,000 sw. ft, or smaller than the existing Super Stop & Shop in town. This is consistent with the general limitations on commercial buildings.

It is the opinion of the Commission that this proposal meets the requirements of this standard.

l) The perimeter edge of the proposed development relates to existing development with respect to scale and setback.

As noted above, the organization of buildings upon this property avoids unfoavorable scale at the perimeter edge of this property. Changes in the landscaping requirements (below) will improve the appearance of the perimeter. A reasonable setback has been provided between this project and the residential development on the northern edge of the property and that a more substantial landscaping buffer has been provided along this edge.

EDITORS NOTE: JUST LIKE THE LANDSCAPING BUFFER ON ST. JOSEPH STREET!!

It is the opinion of the Commission that, with changes to the proposed regulations, this proposal meets the requirements of this standard.

m) Landscaping, lighting, graphics, street furniture have beenn coordinated to create a pleasing public environment.

All of the above are shown in the Conceptual Architectural and Signage information supplied by the applicant. The Commission believes that the presentation of these in the report is generally favorable and establishes a good point of beginning for refinement during the site plan phase.

It is the opinion of the Commission that, with changes to the proposed regulations, this proposal meets the requirements of this standard.

n) The open space system including pedestrian walks is usable, beneficial and can logically be expected to connect to existing and/or future walks on abutting properties.

Access and use of the open space areas has been provided on the proposed plan including a pedestrian nature walk within the river corridor and a public gathering lawn overlooking the river on the residential side of the property.

The plan includes an organized open space area around the restaurant court in the central portion of the site. This open space has public access from all sides and will create beneficial activity in tis center portion of the site.

All of these elements combined with the pedestrian walkways will firmly establish the importance of pedestrian activity within this project.

The proposed plans also indicate a future connection the the Farmington Canal Heritage Trail and it is assumed that the applicant will make a sincere effort to accomplish this linkage.

It is the opinion of the Commission that this proposal meets the requirements of this standard.

o) Open space set aside or established pursuant to the proposed application site plan shall be made available for public use. The open space land shall be held in ownership by the applicant landwoner and shall be subject to an agreement with the Town to be filed on the Land Records at the time of approval regarding the applicant landowner’s responsibility for maintenance of said open space.

This site contains large ares of property that will remain undeveloped within the Ten ile river corridor. As noted earlier, this open space will be available for public use with the creation of the pedestrian nature walk.

The specific legal documentation regarding continued ownership, stewardship, and public use must be submitted during the site plan phase of approvals. It is anticipated that the public will also have access to and use of the public gathering area and overlook field on the residential side of the property. All of these concerns should be addressed in the legal documents. This requirement is being added to the revised regulations (below).

It is the opinion of the Commission that, with changes to the proposed regulations, this proposal meets the requirements of this standard.

p) Recreational or park-like areas related to residential units shall be shown.

The residential portion of this site contains common areas between neighborhood blocks with a pedestrian walkway, access to the nature walk, active recreation with tennis courts, an overlook field and a public gathering lawn on this side of the Ten Mile River.

It is the opinion of the Commission that this proposal meets the requirements of this standard.

q) Any residential units proposed will be beneficial to the Town of Cheshire, satisfy a demonstrated need within the local housing market, and be integrated with and demonstrably enhance the overall development. The total floor area devoted to residential uses shall be less than 40% of the floor area of buildings devoted to other uses.

The burden of demonstrating need was upon the applicants and they have provided their opinion with statistical support in the “Market Study, Residential Component, The Shoppes of Cheshire” submitted with the application. The 40% floor area requirement is a hard and fast rule and there has not been any attempt to exceed this requirement. The residential layout and building types may evolve somewhat based upon market conditions,but must always be less than 40% of the non-residential total and never exceed two bedrooms per unit.

The plan to provide condominium townhouses addresses a type of residential property that is not in Cheshire. It should be appealing to both young professionals working in Hartford, Waterbury, Meriden or New Haven, as well as “empty-nesters.”

It is the opinion of the Commission that this proposal meets the requirements of this standard.

EDITORS NOTE: As far as that Beta Group goes, why did the town pay them $35,000 to do a traffic study when we are reading this now? Why did they bother.

And as far as lighting is concerned, anyone associated with the Town Government knows where I live. Go down my street at night in the winter and clearly see the lights from Mt. Southington SEVERAL MILES AWAY!!!

If any of you are old like me, than you remember the title of this post is from a skit that appeared on the Carol Burnett Show years ago. It was a play on the soap opera “As The World Turns.”

Well, Carol Burnetts old skit came to mind Wednesday night when I went to the special Planning and Zoning meeting where the commissioners asked very good questions about the application. Note that the actual site plan has not entered by the applicant for review as of yet.

This is going to be a long post, so I am going to break it up into two separate posts. Frankly, after what I found in my mailbox this afternoon, I wonder why they even had this meeting and will have another “meeting” Jan 22, with the final decision to be made on the 28th of January.

The Commission members asked questions about the construction of a possible parking garage on the site, the size of the lighting fixtures,  sewer capacity which can or should I say probably will be a problem. The system is straining now. The Commission discussed traffic flow, which according to  the Beta Group, would be the highest on weekday mornings “just by the site” of an additional 517 “trips” as the experts like to call extra traffic. On Friday p.m., the trips would be 2,268 and on mid-day Saturday the trips would be over 3,000.

The Beta Group people claim that there would be a diminshing of traffic or “trips” by the time one approached the Academy Road area. The trips would go down to only 225. This results in a seven to eight percent drop as one drives further away from the Shoppes.

Well, all this was interesting, but when I got home today, I found a “flyer” in my mailbox.

It was a “DRAFT: FINDINGS -W/S Development Zone Map Change.

This is the wording on the DRAFT.

“According to State law, the PZC is acting in a legislative  capacity when dealing with a proposed zone map change. As such, it is only required to apply its informed judgement to the questions of whether the proposed change is in the best interest of the Town as a whole, and consistent with the Plan of Development & Conservation. In this case, however, additional findings are required.

Section 45B.6 of the Cheshire Zoning Regulations states that the Commission may approve a zone change to an Interchange Special Development District and the Interchange Special Development Project only if, in the opinion of the Commission, the applicant has met al of the standards set forth in this section of the regulations, and if the Commission finds that the zone map change and project ae in the best interests of the town. The discretion to make these findings belongs solely to the Commission as this section states that the Commission must make these findings only in its own judgement.

In addition, Section 22a of the Connecticut General Statutes requires the Commission to consider the entire record with regard to the application’s potential environmental impact.

The twenty areas in which findings are required were the subject of extensive oral and written testimony. The Commission held nearly 20 hours of hearings and reviewed over 1000 pages of written submissions. The opinions of the applicant, the intervenor and the public were considered, and particularly those of the professional staff. To ensure that the Commission had the best and most complete information, the Town engaged an outside, disinterested professional consultant, whose input has been invaluable.

Each of the twenty standards is listed below. In each case, there were positive and negative features of the proposal, which the Commission has weighed carefully. In some cases, the Commission feels that changes in the proposed regulations are necessary to meet the standard. These will be discussed in the decision which follows these findings.

a)   The special regulations, as proposed, as well as the proposed development are consistent with the intent of these Interchange Special Development District regulations, the Cheshire Plan of Conservation and Development, and the laws and standards for zone changes and amendments in the State of Connecticut.

The proposed regulations offer a number of amendments over existing regulations and cover a variety of topics. In considering such a wide-ranging revision of the existing rules, attention ut be paid to the specific details. The Commission has reviewed these and has made the changes described in the decision below. With these changes, it is the opionion of theCommision that the application meets the requirements of this standard.

b)     The proposed project is designed with recognition of a site’s context and character.

A site’s content and character are defined by natural and manmade characteristics within and around its perimeter. The context for this property is established in part by the I-691 interchange and associated highway frontage, its proximity to existing industrial areas and to the commerical areas along Route 322, by its nearly 1400 feet of frontage on Route 10, and by Dickerman Road that runs along the westerly boundary. Furthermore, the remains of the Farmington Canal as evidenced by the Great Fill also contribute to the site’s context and character.

The context also includes the Ten Mile River corridor with existing floodway and floodplan and regulated wetland areas, and its proximity to the recently developed residential area just north of this property. Any development of this property must be done with consideration of these unique characteristics. Finally, the site will serve as the Norther gateway to the Town.

The Commission walked the site and observed these features first hand. They saw the damage done to the river banks by uncontrolled use of off-road vehicles, and the collapsed culvert at the Great Fill. The proposed development will not only resotre and preserve the Ten Mile River and its banks and the Great Fill, but will make them the centerpiece of the development.

It is the opinion of the Commission that, with some changes in the specific regulations, particulary with regard to landscaping, this proposal meets the requirements of this standard.

c)   That the natural features of the land have been considered as design determinants.

As noted above, the site has many distinctive natural and historical features. In particular, much testimony dealt with the need to preserve and protect the Ten Mle River and its environs. The site design on the proposed plan includes corridor widths ranging from 1oo feet in the central area to in excess of 1,000 feet from Dickerman Road perimeter. It is the commission’s opinion that the design of this proposal represents an earnest effort to protect the Ten Mile River corridor.

Development on the remaining portions of the site is being done to minimize fill and excessive grading. In addition, there is no development propoed on the small portion other site that lies within the aquifer protection area in the southeasterly corner.

The Commission notes that the application was unanimoulsy approved by the Inland Wetlands and Watercourses Commissions. It is the opinion of the Commission that, with some changes to the proposed regulations, this proposal meets the requirements of this standard.

d)  That important historic and archaeological characteristics have been respected and considered as design determinants.

The historic Farminton Canal and aqueduct lies within the central area of this site. The aqueduct was constructed in the early 19th century to establish an elevation for the canal to cross the Ten Mile River. This aqueduct and great fill area were severely disturbed  by flodding in the spring of 2007.

This application proposes reconstruction of the aqueduct using modern standards along with the preservation of the original stone arches. There is also a visitor area and heritage monument proposed in teh central portion of the site that will review the history of the Farmington Canal and the importance of this property in that context.

The applicants are proposing a wood trestle bridge for motor vehicles and pediestrians to cross the river. The wood trestles have been chosen to aument the historic setting on the portion of the site.

It is the opinion of the Commission that this proposal meets the requirements of this standard.

e)   Community facilities, utilities and/or services as presently existing or to be provided by teh applicant, will not be overburdened due to the increase in population or activity caused by the new development.

The applicant for this project will construct public water and sewer as required by the Cheshire Zoning Regulations. The Water Pollution control authority (WPCA) granted the request for the feasibility at their meeting of December 19, 2007.  A copy of those minutes of those proceedings is attached. In this acton, the WPCA states that the sanitary sewarage system is generally capable of construction and is capable of being connected to the Town of Cheshire public sanitary sewer system. The WPCA will have final approval of final design of the system, discussion of which is contained in the munutes from the December meeting. assuming this final approval, the utilities required will not overburden the available services. Public safety issues are discussed below.

f)  There will not be any significant public safety or fire protection problems and that emergency access is adequately provided.

The Cheshire Police and Fire departments have issued comments to the applicant and Commission during the public hearing phase of this proposal. Both departments requested an emergency access drive from Route 10 that is being provided by the applicant who also offered to dedicate some square footage and parking within the facilaity for public safety personnel to use as needed. They also inted to provide private, on-site security the level of which they have offered to discuss with the Cheshire Police Department.

The Police Department anticipates the need for an additional patrol car for the North End to meet the needs of this project and other developments in the area. The cost for this additional service will be offset by the addtional tax revenues from the development.

EDITORS NOTE: I AM SKIPPING TO THE END. MORE OF THIS “DRAFT” IN THE NEXT POST.

r) There is a reasonable assurance that the developer has the financial and organizational capability to complete the project as submitted.

The applicant has provided the necessary documentation to support this standard. The Commission can find no evidence to cast doubt that this developer is capable of completing this project.

It is the opinion of the commission that this proposal meets the requirements of this standard.

f)  The overall project is in the best interest of the Town.

Based upon the discussion above, as well as upon the positive fiscal impact of the development, the Commission concludes that the overall project is, in fact, in the best interest of the town.

After due consideration of the entire record, the Commision finds that the applicant’s proposed Zone Map Change, Interchange Special Development District Project Plan, and Aquifer Protection Application are not reasonably likely to have the effect of unreasonably polluting, imparing or destroying the public trust in the air, water or other natural resources of the state. Furthermore, it is the opinion of the Cheshire Planning and zoning Commission that this application meets all of the standards laid out in Section 45.B6 of the Zoning Regulations, and that it may, therefore, be approved by the Commission.

I know my pals at the Police Department will love this one!!

85-year-old man arrested for racing down the highway in his Oldsmobile

By Jonathon Ramsey

Not so long ago, Ontario, Canada drafted a law to curb racing and excessive speeding on its highways. Things were getting so out of hand that stretches of road were called the Ontariobahn.

In a campaign they call “shock and awe,” they jacked the maximum fine up to $10,000, and threw in a 7-day suspended license and vehicle impound for anyone doing more than 50-KPH over the posted limit.

Since the traps were laid, they have been full. A recent catch was an 85-year-old man who was doing 161 kph — 61 over the limit — on roads with ice and snow. He wasn’t racing — he was simply “going to the bank and shopping,” albeit rather quickly. So he was immediately relieved of his license and his Oldsmobile.

Since the law took effect on September 30, 2007, 2,300 Canadians have met the same fate — 1,300 of them in the first five weeks. On average, every day 24 drivers have to learn bus routes, and 24 cars get parked somewhere for a week. The 85-year-old gent has the honor of being the oldest arrested so far, a 16-year old girl was the youngest, and the fastest driver was going 230 kph (142 mph). If your travels take you through Ontario while the shock and awe continues, try not to get frisky with the go peda else you’ll be down with a very different O.P.P. — the Ontario Provincial Police.

This is the Canadian conversion chart. So you can figure out just how fast the old man was driving in miles per hour.